Come to me..

..my sweetest friend..

At one point, I thought my heart gone.
Broke, hidden, nonexistent,
Dormant, dead, sluggishly slow in emotion and feeling.
Incapable of anything beyond pumping blood
Through the curves of my body.
As time's gone on and on
I realize, its too late,
It's alive and hesitant beyond all doubt.
Wishing to live free and alive again
With another of kindred spirit, gleeful laugh,
And eyes of mirth.
At times,
Pangs of longing come to me
Over simple moments.
Simple thoughts and deeds of strangers.
Genuine movements and concern
Allowing my heart to grow and
Beat anew, full of life and,
(What is this?)
Hope.
Such a glorious four letter word.

Might I be allowed a confession?
I miss cooking for someone,
Someone who truly appreciates and cares of my efforts
Hidden love, shown in the fruits of my labours.
I miss the simplest moments of sitting next to someone,
Slinging legs over a caring lap
Chatting away an afternoon, evening, or hour.
I miss having someone just mine,
At the end of the day,
Be it painfully dreadful in nature,
Or unsightly joyous and full of cheer.
Telling you of these things may sound of ease.
It's taken some time for my mind and heart to sink up
And allow me these realizations in their fullness.

I enjoy and prefer myself, by myself.
I desire not depending on anyone
Not needing that emotional support.
Not having that companion.
Knowing my strength will keep me up,
For if I don't, I shan't be able to stand.
Is there some compromise I've missed?
Some loophole I feel through
In trying to find my Hatter?

Am I to constantly feel my journey is starting again?
Fresh and new for an eternity?
Alone and unknown.
Happy, giddy, snarky and sad.
All in one case,
Encased within me.

Of one mountain,
I'm not sure is there
But oh my, do I ever hope
To see it at some point in my journey.

Readings and General Lack of Inspirations

Readings. Oh so many readings.
I read and read and read.
It's my escape as of late.
Being able to live in a world apart from myself.
Allowing the characters to envelope me
And their situations become mine
If only for a moment.

That's what its been lately.
Besides this 'real world' that keeps bothering me.

I'm exhausted.
Or frustrated.
Sleeping. Working. Singing along to the music.
Dreaming of cuddling next to a mountain of a man
That clearly only exists in my head.
Waking up and repeating again.

My Inspirations are slipping.
Yet they are ever present.
Simply in a shy state as of late
With numb mind and numb finger tip.
Reality is settling in
And scaring away all the beautiful thoughts
That used to run free in my mind.

Free form. Sweeping archs. Beautiful brush strokes.
Where have you gone?
Stop taking a vacation from me
And run away with me instead.
And not next Tuesday.
That will not do at all.
Not on a 'Tuesday.'
Not today.

You come and go now
In more fleeting moments
Than ever before.
This both impresses me and intimidates me.
Creates a shudder of disbelief
And a sigh of loss when sleep over comes me
And I know, I wish for you to stay

Will you be my dearest friend
Forever and ever?

Be with me, my dear, forever and ever.

Kiss me gently on the cheek before you leave
I won't feel it, but know it's there
Even in my unconscious state.

Come by later, for a cuppa tea.
And we'll run the numbers once again
And again, and again.
We'll laugh at the practical impracticality of it all.
Knowing we've known worse and knowing
Worse is yet to come.

But You'll be with me through it all.
I know it.
I know it well.
My dearest of dear ones.

Even in these fleeting moments
Filled with readings
and
General lack of ever present inspirations

Favourite Songs of June 2014

So some of these are also from May.. And I've been having a 'major' shift in music again, if you will. More so of an 'I need really really good music that I can listen to" music as "I can't listen to my records with drawl".. I did get a really good, old turn table recently, so hope is not fully lost. Though it is meandering a bit as I still need to get speakers and a stereo to accompany them. But that is neither here nor there. I'm like..half way there. At least that's what I like to tell myself.

Ok, rabbit trail!

Back to the music ramblings! I've been on a 50's/40's and EARLIER kick rather dramatically lately.  Also, my singing along with songs have taken off to whole new levels; as in I'll be in between helping customers at work and start singing a little.. So listen to this gems and sing along or simply let yourself get carried away in their beauty.

You belong to me - Jo Stafford

Heat Wave - Ella Fitzgerald

Magic - Coldplay

Bloody Mary - From South Pacific 

Moses Supposes His Toes are Roses - From Singing in the Rain

Witchcraft - Frank Sinatra 

Mini update / Look what I did

I know. I know. Long time, no see.

I am alive I assure you.

Simply put; work and reading have taken up the majority of my time.

Today after work, coffee run for the boss lady, and quilting..I spoiled myself with new paint, markers and black wedge ankle boots. I honestly didn't mean to. Not at first at least. The paint and markers were both on sale and the shoes.. Ok. So originally I was looking for shoes for work.. and clearly these are not for work. 

So my bad? 

Evidently, I was in need of a self soil. Regardless, It made for a good ending to the day. 

Not pictured but bought today was two two for one bags of Dove milk and dark chocolate.. both of which are now the residences my Cap America bucket.. Evidently, I've gotten into the habit of always having chocolate in it. I'd like to think he'd approve? but then again that may be my brain shutting down a little as I really ought to go to bed soon. 

Going out on a limb...

I did it you know. I went out on a limb, one day.

Complete with thought. Which, I feel, usually isn't included in going out on a limb. But I did. I did it. I tried..if only for an instant.

It didn't work, well, maybe it did.

Allow me to explain.

A guy, a kid, a puppy, mayhaps, a guy... a... Ha'penny guy, if you will...came into work one day.

He was nice. Funny, tall, dark, not bad to look at.

He asked questions, intently answered, held conversation. Understood odd references and 'odd' lingo.

Referenced things of old, which, by now you know I adore.

He sassed and possibly flirted.

He left his number and name when he left with a "You rock."

...A question held in my brain as I laughed at his last moments.

It was daring and honest and simple.

The best possible tri-fecta.

...

I told a friend of the encounter, and she laughed as I did.

It was fun, sweet, innocent.

A day or so later I text him.

We casually text back and forth.

He, younger then I'm used to as of late, made a joke and a question.

I responded in kind and called him on it, if you will.

And in its informality, it slowly died out. Which I actually don't mind.

And you know why?

Because I did it. I took that chance, on the off hand that maybe it'd be interesting...or something.

And it was.

It was a good laugh, and a good step forward.

Ha'penny guy. Thank you.

Your simplicity and nonchalant bravado has been more impact-full then you will know

Favorite Songs of May 2014

So these have primarily been on repeat for me this last month. And by repeat I mean REPEAT. So, listen to them once or over and over like I have; enjoy regardless.

Magic by Coldplay

A World Alone by Lorde

Sandman by Hurts

Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

Animals by Martin Garrix 

(There were a few others as well, but they're almost regularly in these monthly favs..)

So I've been m.i.a. for a bit...

Ok. I know. I kinda possibly forgot about this place for a little while. I have reasons. And some are better then "reasons because reasons." (btw's, I like you, if that made you laugh, even in the slightest bit.)

If you care to see what I'm "up" to or more so what makes me laugh and makes me happy. I have a twitter account. That I've been frequenting more often now. It's really starting to grow on me.

So, here's another update type post / reasons I've been absent post. I hope you enjoy or at least giggle on occasion, because laughter, at least, is good.

-I HAVE A JOB! Yep, that's right, I'm like a fully functioning adult or something now. Possibly, mainly, the "or something" but hey, I'm working on it. And I'm trying my hand at design work on the side. Which is terrifying and wonderful all in the same moment. So far I primarily work the morning shifts. Which I've come to love. I wake up at 4am. That's right. Your insomniatic sweetheart, has some how managed to adjust the sleeps and almost routinely wake up at 4am. Sometimes even before my alarm goes off. And I really like it. I don't necessarily have to be up that early but I like to have my mornings by myself and read and enjoy my tea before work.

-I luckily have three close friends right now. They are amazing and I sass them with no end in sight and I'm so grateful for them putting up with me. I also adore the amount of banter and sass that is thrown between us. It brightens even my darkest days.

-I'm doing a block exchange now too. Which I've never been apart of, so for me it's exciting. We're doing four patches of Civil War patterns. And I'm doing mine and my mothers for the group...so really I'm doing it twice with half the pay off? But I like the colors and patterns so I don't mind.

-Still having weird dreams as usual. Though the cameos have gotten less diverse. Many a fictional character pops by to say hi and be included in the wanderings of my mind. The only parts that I don't really care for are when I wake up and realize they're not there and it was just a dream.

-Also, people are weird. And this last week there was A LOT of flirting thrown in my direction at work. So much so my boss lady asked me what perfume I was wearing.

But yes, my brain seems to be shorting out so.. this will have to do for now. I'm trying to get a rhythm down right now. And maybe it will be successful soon.. I still feel like I'm in transition. Perhaps that is part of life though. I really don't know.

I hope you all are doing well.
-K