As of late

As of late, I’ve come to realize days that I used to count individually have flown by in a blur. The numbers of which are a faint memory to me.  Days and weeks are now weeks and months.  The once highly painful rhythmic beat of my heart has returned to a dull, low roar, seemingly still in its present state.  Boarded up, newly secure and healed.  A wonderfully blank and open slate lies before me.  As I walk and at times prance forward on fresh ground like walking through an undisturbed field of snow.  The prints left are my own now.  The steps evident in a swirling pattern of freedom in my own company.  The amount of peace and joy I hold now is more then I’ve held in far more than a year with him.  It surprised me at first. And then I found myself wishing I had made that step myself and sooner.  A step to a better me. To a solitary state. To enjoy the simple bits of life and of not knowing what each gloriously diverse day will bring.  I find it ironic how the things that were once of negative concern are no more.  I feel at peace for the moments being. A feeling I had long since forgotten.  Though the world crumbles around me daily and I reflect on life’s joys and defeats; I am reassured that this is where I am supposed to be.  And what’s more, is I’ve never been so sure of the ledge that I stand on and that the next leap is yet to come. Whatever that leap may be, it will be bigger, louder, and have such a grandeur as I have not yet seen. And that, dear reader, gives me more hope than I thought I would have at this point in my life.  This forward motion may hurt and burn our bodies, but wouldn’t it not be moving forward if it were to not?