Come to me..

..my sweetest friend..

At one point, I thought my heart gone.
Broke, hidden, nonexistent,
Dormant, dead, sluggishly slow in emotion and feeling.
Incapable of anything beyond pumping blood
Through the curves of my body.
As time's gone on and on
I realize, its too late,
It's alive and hesitant beyond all doubt.
Wishing to live free and alive again
With another of kindred spirit, gleeful laugh,
And eyes of mirth.
At times,
Pangs of longing come to me
Over simple moments.
Simple thoughts and deeds of strangers.
Genuine movements and concern
Allowing my heart to grow and
Beat anew, full of life and,
(What is this?)
Hope.
Such a glorious four letter word.

Might I be allowed a confession?
I miss cooking for someone,
Someone who truly appreciates and cares of my efforts
Hidden love, shown in the fruits of my labours.
I miss the simplest moments of sitting next to someone,
Slinging legs over a caring lap
Chatting away an afternoon, evening, or hour.
I miss having someone just mine,
At the end of the day,
Be it painfully dreadful in nature,
Or unsightly joyous and full of cheer.
Telling you of these things may sound of ease.
It's taken some time for my mind and heart to sink up
And allow me these realizations in their fullness.

I enjoy and prefer myself, by myself.
I desire not depending on anyone
Not needing that emotional support.
Not having that companion.
Knowing my strength will keep me up,
For if I don't, I shan't be able to stand.
Is there some compromise I've missed?
Some loophole I feel through
In trying to find my Hatter?

Am I to constantly feel my journey is starting again?
Fresh and new for an eternity?
Alone and unknown.
Happy, giddy, snarky and sad.
All in one case,
Encased within me.

Of one mountain,
I'm not sure is there
But oh my, do I ever hope
To see it at some point in my journey.

Readings and General Lack of Inspirations

Readings. Oh so many readings.
I read and read and read.
It's my escape as of late.
Being able to live in a world apart from myself.
Allowing the characters to envelope me
And their situations become mine
If only for a moment.

That's what its been lately.
Besides this 'real world' that keeps bothering me.

I'm exhausted.
Or frustrated.
Sleeping. Working. Singing along to the music.
Dreaming of cuddling next to a mountain of a man
That clearly only exists in my head.
Waking up and repeating again.

My Inspirations are slipping.
Yet they are ever present.
Simply in a shy state as of late
With numb mind and numb finger tip.
Reality is settling in
And scaring away all the beautiful thoughts
That used to run free in my mind.

Free form. Sweeping archs. Beautiful brush strokes.
Where have you gone?
Stop taking a vacation from me
And run away with me instead.
And not next Tuesday.
That will not do at all.
Not on a 'Tuesday.'
Not today.

You come and go now
In more fleeting moments
Than ever before.
This both impresses me and intimidates me.
Creates a shudder of disbelief
And a sigh of loss when sleep over comes me
And I know, I wish for you to stay

Will you be my dearest friend
Forever and ever?

Be with me, my dear, forever and ever.

Kiss me gently on the cheek before you leave
I won't feel it, but know it's there
Even in my unconscious state.

Come by later, for a cuppa tea.
And we'll run the numbers once again
And again, and again.
We'll laugh at the practical impracticality of it all.
Knowing we've known worse and knowing
Worse is yet to come.

But You'll be with me through it all.
I know it.
I know it well.
My dearest of dear ones.

Even in these fleeting moments
Filled with readings
and
General lack of ever present inspirations