What's holding me back?

I’ve been wanting to start a blog documenting everyday life through my personalized lens.  And with my college carrier coming to an end in 3 days, I figured, ‘what’s holding me back now?’  And that really frightened me at first.

“What’s holding me back?” Originally this thought never entered my head in middle and elementary school.  The closest it came to entering my head was somewhere along the lines of “How do I climb that tree?” or “How do I get everyone to go swimming?” But “What’s holding me back?” Never. Not once.

In high school it wasn't an issue either. I was rather shy, I’ll more than admit that. But I don’t think I ever held myself back. I took an excessive amount of art classes, French, and English throughout my four years of hormone filled confusion. 

Then the period of my life known as college came about and I felt even farther from “what’s holding me back?” than I ever did before. This is possibly due to the fact that I didn’t know this question was about to be part of my conscious concern for myself.  I thought that simply with going to college, I’d never have to face a question remotely related to that possible beasty. And then, without notice, it briefly reared its hope inspiring, night mare inducing head at the middle of my last year in undergrad.  It briefly began to terrify me when I was at an expo in San Diego, California.  I was surrounded by business men and women- successful people with creativity flowing through their veins and years of experience to back them up. And I realized, or more convinced myself, that the only way I could compete with or fit in with these people is by obtaining a higher degree.  And so, the question quietly slipped to the back of my mind, seemingly defeated by the prospect of graduate school.

This brings us to present day; approximately two years later years, at 4:00pm, with graduation this Saturday.  The question of “What’s holding me back?” reentered my cranium about a week ago.  With school no longer being the main consumer of my time, effort and general life force, what now?  A job?  A carrier?  Where?  Doing what?  The tiny frantic questions began to set up walls that seemed to close in on me.  And then a very calm moment of clarity came to me. “What’s holding me back?”  The options are open.  Wide open.  I’ve been given amazing opportunities throughout my life and never really realized it. So I’ve decided to try and turn the stress of ‘what will come next’ into hope and excitement for the next lesson to be learned, the next life to brighten, and the next place to see.  And the idea of starting some sort of long term documentation has been on my mind for some time. I’ve had failed attempts with accounts at YouTube and several Tumblr personas, trying to segment a part of my life in documentation.  Commitment, content and time management being the failing forces? Probably. But I’d like to think that confidence definitely played a role as well. That is the past, and now, is the future.  I’d like to take a healthy step forward with whatever is headed my way and have this blog to look back on and see how I’ve changed and how things where once upon a time.  I’d also like this to be a place of inspiration for others.

With that, I will leave you. What follows here is from the heart, or possibly the mind. I hope to remain sincere, honest, and forever learning. 

-Kristin